The Aloft Blog

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 30 - My husband

As I wrap up this month of gratitude, I decided to save the best for last.  You see, I had the good fortune of marrying a really great guy.  And today is his birthday!  Double reason to celebrate 'round these parts.  

My husband is one of the smartest people I have ever met.  I have known a lot of smart people.  But what I love best about his intelligence is his humility about it.  He doesn't gloat.  He never makes me feel dumb when I ask him things about which he knows a great deal (generally science and math).  He only gently pokes fun at my complete lack of math skills and he totally humours my need to discuss politics more than 99.9% of the world would care to even think about it.  

He's also incredibly funny.  But you have to pay attention.  My husband is one of those introverted type folks.  He isn't one to gab with people, he isn't a huge conversationalist but he is a keen observer and has said some of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life.  But you gotta pay attention.  

He takes great care of me and our life.  It took me a long time to realize that I could really count on him.  That when I asked something of him - it would be done without me having to hound him or bug him or downright brow beat him.  Occasionally I will still question it - still not trust but then he'll show up and just be who he says he is and do what he says he will and I am reminded that I am silly to continue to question.  Some old habits die hard.  

He indulges most of my weirdness, gives me the space to explore different ideas and things and never (ok very rarely) looks at me like I'm a lunatic.

So on this last day of November, I wish my sweet husband a very happy birthday - even if he is a guy who isn't a fan of birthdays.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 29 - Miracles

Miracles are a dicey thing.  When I think of miracles I think of angels and God and likely a Catholic church.  I am not Catholic.  I don't believe in a Christian God and I'm not so sure about the existence of angels.

But I firmly believe in miracles.  I think that there are tiny miracles that we see every day.  I know that I miss most of them and I suspect that you do too.  A beautiful sunrise.  A flower.  A smile.  Miracles are every where and it takes a conscious effort to not only notice them but to see them for the miracle that they are.  

Growing up, I really wasn't someone who believed in miracles much.  Miracles to me would have been my parents reuniting or the kids at school being nice to me.  Miracles would have been our family not struggling financially and the little kids in Africa not starving.  I wished for those kinds of miracles all of the time and they were very rarely realized.  I learned early on in my life that wishing for a miracle to happen isn't enough to make it so.  Sometimes it takes something bigger.

Seven years ago today, I learned first hand that miracles absolutely do happen.  I try to be thoughtful of the stories of others when I write here so I will say this.  A dear friend of mine delivered her daughter much earlier than babies should be born.  In the process of that little girl's birth, her mother was very ill. That little girl, well, she's one hell of a fighter and after nearly 3 months in the NICU she came home and she's been a force ever since.  She's a little peanut - and she seems to catch most every cold that comes down the pike - but man she is just a force of energy.  She is one of the best kids I have ever met.  She's funny as hell, smart as a whip, sweet, thoughtful, kind and beautiful.  And when I come to her house she runs from almost any corner to give me a hug.  How awesome is that?  

So as Maya celebrates her 7th birthday today -- I know with great certainty that miracles happen.  And we're all so grateful for them!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 27 - My Parents

Today would be my parents 41st wedding anniversary.  I always have a feeling I'm the only person who marks this milestone.  I am still very aware of my first wedding anniversary when it passes but I can imagine after being out of a relationship for 35 years that those details would fade away.  I am very aware of the date because without it, I wouldn't be here.  

There is an obvious gratefulness I feel for my parents for my very being.  My parents were only together for about 6 years - 4 of which I shared with them.  They hadn't known each other very long when they married which is an easy thing to point to when figuring out the end of their marriage.  But that isn't the point here.  I am grateful for my parents marriage and I am grateful that they are my parents.  

For as long as I can remember, my mom has always been there.  ALWAYS.  She taught me what it meant to be loved totally and completely.  While I am pretty sure my mom would quickly tell you I am her most favourite person in the world, she wasn't one of those moms who thought I did absolutely no wrong.  I may have been the perfect daughter for her, she never let me think I was perfect.  And as strange as it may sound, I am very grateful for that.  She kept me in check about my strengths and weaknesses and no matter what was my biggest champion.  From early on in my life it was just the 2 of us.  My aunt was there for a while but in real terms it was just the 2 of us.  Put very simply, my mom rocks.

My dad and I had a much more difficult relationship.  I didn't live with him from the age of 4 on - he went back to school when I was a kid and as a result was absent for a good deal of my life and my experiences.  We have had a lot of ups and downs in our time together but I'd say we've been on the up swing for a good while now.  I get a lot of my personality from my dad and I look just like him - my love of politics?  Purely my dad.  It took us a long time to learn how to be a good father/daughter pair and I'm really grateful that we finally got there.

Most of us are shaped most deeply by our parents so I celebrate the people who brought me into this world and made me the person I am today.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 26 - Conestoga High School

Until the 8th grade, I attended small, private schools.  The school I attended from 4th to 8th grade ended at 8th grade so my parents had to come up with a plan for me - where to go to high school.  I wanted to go to boarding school like most of my friends were doing.  My parents had neither the financial resources or inclination to send me to boarding school.  My second choice was the local Catholic high school.  Again, my parents put the kibosh on that one.  So then it was public school and my parents decided that I should go to either Conestoga or Radnor high school, 2 of the best public schools in the Philadelphia area and consistently in the top 5 public schools in the state.  Once my mom found us a house in Wayne, PA - my fate to attend Conestoga was sealed.  

And I was pissed.

You see - my private schooling had given me many great gifts, the strongest and not necessarily the greatest among them?  I high level of snobbery about education.  Put frankly, at the ripe old age of 13, I was thoroughly convinced I was too good for public school.  

I remember my first day of 9th grade at Valley Forge Intermediate School vividly - I remember what I wore, who I met etc but what I remember most is that I shook all day.  You see, my previous schools had been very small.  There were 10 people in my 8th grade class.  9th grade?  About 250 kids and I was scared to death.  Also, within about a week I realized that my public school snobbishness was truly ridiculous.  I met smart people -- really smart people -- people who were a whole lot smarter and more academically advance than I was.  After a few weeks, I settled into a routine and found my groove.

Conestoga was my next school landing place - our district had a middle or intermediate school that went to 9th grade and then high school was 10th through 12th grade.  Conestoga was an even bigger place with even more impressive students, teachers and programs.  I know that a lot of people hated high school.  I know that a lot of my friends didn't like Conestoga but I loved it.  I had the most amazing friends, I love most of my classes (math and science being the exception) - I loved all of the activities I participated in, I loved the people that I got to know and I loved the opportunities that were available to me.  Without sounding over the top ridiculous, I felt truly blessed to be there.  

Saturday night I joined a large group of my friends at our 20th high school reunion.  It was an absolutely delight to go.  It was great fun to connect with people I hadn't seen in years, catch up with folks and see where people wound up and be with a large group of folks with a common thread.  There were some moments when it was truly surreal to be standing there.  High school can feel like a very finite universe at times and the people there can seem like the vast majority of the people in the world.  Coming back to that 20 years later was a trip -- my world is much bigger now but there are still people who for a time I spent every school day with - some of whom I am sure have no idea who I was and some of whom are my best friends today.  

One thing I know for sure is that my time and experience at Conestoga was something that shaped me and the person I would become and for that, I am grateful.

 

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 25 - Self-care

If you had asked me 15 years ago to articulate my self-care to you - I would have been struck mute.  I spent most of my energy taking care of everyone else.  I believed for a very long time that in order to have any worth, I had to prove that I was worth keeping around because of the care I gave to others.  It wasn't until I was out on my own, doing my own thing that I realized that this plan that I had made for myself was not going to work.  I was completely run ragged, I was in terrible emotional and physical health and I had absolutely no idea who I was or what I was worth to myself or anyone else.  

There wasn't really an a-ha moment -- it was more of a gradual process.  It was about listening to myself, trusting my intuition, telling my story and being present.  Meditation played a role.  A lot of soul searching played a role and the knowledge of wanting something more.

It isn't a perfect practice, by a long shot - but I know that the person I am today is much healthier and happier than the person I was many years ago because I take the time to listen to myself and my own needs.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 24 - Thanksgiving

My gratitude for Thanksgiving is very simple -- I am grateful that I got to make a meal and celebrate my very favourite holiday with my family. 

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 23 - Planning

Years ago I went to Las Vegas with a large group of my friends...one of whom was my best friend Jon.  He challenged me to go on this trip and not plan anything.  I think I actually laughed out loud at him for that one.  First of all, I was coordinating 13 people for a weekend -- I couldn't not plan.  But more than that?  I am absolutely incapable of not planning.  

I go on vacations with a folder with every piece of information we might need, every thing that we need to see.  I write lists upon lists. My first question of my husband on a random weekend day is quite often "what's the plan for today?"

While I have been accused of being an over-planner, one thing that most people don't realize is that on most occasions I do not care WHAT the plan is I just need to know what it is, if that makes sense.  I can generally go with the flow as long as someone tells me what the flow may be.  It's an odd mix of being a control freak and yet being easy going.  It's an interesting line to walk but I think that most of the time I pull it off relatively well.

 

30 Days of Gratitude: You haven't been forgotten!

I have to confess -- the holiday weekend and all that I had planned for myself got away from me and with it the time to finish up this list.  So we'll continue on in a few minutes and get ourselves all caught up!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 22 - Travel

My mom gave me a tremendous gift - a deep love of travel.  I have had the privilege of going to 10 countries and 44 states.  All the foreign countries were for pleasure, a lot of the states were for business but I have been to a lot of amazing and beautiful places.  I have so many more places that I want to see and so many I want to see for the 2nd, 3rd or 15th time.  

I have met a lot of people in my life who have never traveled, never witnessed all that this planet has to offer...and have no desire to see those things.  That is something that I will just never understand.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 21 - My Girlfriends

I have been waxing eloquent about friends as of late (and there will be more of that to come) but today I am focusing my gratitude on my girlfriends.  My core group of friends is still my friends from high school and the most central part of that are the women I have had in my life since we were 14 and 15.  Wendy was the first one I met - a friend of hers and I had science together and asked me to sit with them at lunch.  We had a pretty great group of friends but Wendy and I were pretty joined at the hip.  Once we moved on to high school, Wendy had homeroom with Camilla.  From Camilla we met Julie.  Miranda showed up in 11th grade and thus was sealed the people with home I spent the most time.  By the time high school ended Meredith joined in and we now have the core of women in my life.  The group has grown as we have each met people and brought them into our lives but the core has been those 5 women.  

I have written about this before but a few years ago I had a falling out with someone who I had considered a good friend.  I was really devastated by it and am still really bothered by what happened.  A few weeks after that happened I got to go away with 4 of the women who know me best.  Women to whom I don't have to explain anything, women who love and accept and support me in my best and worst moments.  I am so very thankful for the women who surround me, who make my life better and who can make me laugh like few others.