I remember the first time I heard about something called the Quarter Life Crisis (QLC). I was meeting for the first time with a fellow coach, Jen and she was telling me about her practice. I was so curious to hear about what she was doing as in the world in which I operated at that time, coaches under a certain age were few and far between. Jen went on to talk about the QLC and I was struck by a number of things.
- I had never heard of such a thing - how could that be.
- People are actually building a pratice and a business focusing on the QLC?
- Holy canolli - I totally missed out on this because if what I went through in my mid-20s wasn’t a QLC I have no FLIPPIN idea what one was.
This was almost 3 years ago and I have done a lot of reading, a lot of learning and a lot of soul searching and I have come to a few conclusions.
First and foremost - I think I would have been so well served by knowing what a QLC was when I was in my 20s. I was really, really lost. I finished college and moved into a crappy job that had absolutely no bearing on what I wanted to do with my life or what I valued. I thought that I would go run political campaigns after college but all of my insecurity and fear took over and I let that opportunity pass me by.
I dated a really lovely man while I still had feelings for another man. I wound up with neither of them. I met another lovely man and married him. I lost a job, I found a totally fun job and then found a job in what would become my longer term career. I struggled financially, I struggled emotionally and spent the majority of the time totally convinced that everyone else knew how to be a grownup and no one had given me the keys to the grownup kingdom.
I advanced in my career, I traveled all over the country and was miserable. I watched my marriage fall apart. I asked for a divorce, I quit my job and found another job that would last about 6 months. (note to the universe: do not quit jobs when you are in the middle of a divorce, you most likely will not make a good decision). I changed jobs and got to work for a company I had wanted to work with for years. I met a man and pined for him for the better part of 2 years. The job that I was so excited about morphed into a freight train that I couldn’t control no matter how hard I tried.
I got to the end of 2007 and knew that something had to change. I was moments from bottoming out and I knew I had to do whatever it took to pull myself back up. I left that job despite the great paycheck that came with it. I told the man for whom I pined that I would no longer wait for him. And I ran away. I ran to Salt Lake City and a friend who offered me one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given to me. A place to go when no where felt right. I struggled through that month. I worked at the Sundance Film Festival which was a great experience but I learned a tremendous amount about myself during that month. I knew that things had to change. I knew I needed to focus on me. Getting comfortable with me. Not worrying quite so much about what others thought and worry more about how I felt about me.
I came home and worked on coaching, worked on me and felt better about my place on the planet all of the time. I spent a month in Germany, I met a fabulous man who is totally supportive and loving and I found myself a job that played to my strengths without my having to compromise the other things that are important to me.
Why do I go back over this? Well, I suspect that I am not alone. I am pretty sure I’m not the only woman who has found herself at the ripe ole age of 35 without a flippin clue about where to go and what to do. Knowing that you have been missing out on something but feeling stuck by the circumstances of life and the real world. Desperately afraid to take a shot at something different. Hoping and praying that you can change the path that you are on but convinced it was too late. I know I wasn’t alone now but then? Well, I felt totally alone. I felt like no one could possible understand it all.
Man, was I ever wrong and thank you universe for that!
*"Thank You" - Alanis Morissette
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