I must confess....

I am generally a very nice person.  I am warm, friendly, open and I love to truly meet and get to know new people.  Can I be snarky?  Sure.  Do I gossip more than I should?  Yes.  But I feel pretty good about my status as "nice person."

Which is why I am still thinking about something that happened on Friday night.  My husband and I went to the Philadelphia Art Museum for the Rembrandt exhibit and then we were going across town to dinner.  Traffic was a bear.  It seemed way above the usual amount for a Friday everning but I was just going along trying to cross the city.  Fast forward to an intersection.  There was a police officer on the far left side.  I was in the right lane. There was a car next to me so she couldn't go straight ahead because of where the cop had parked his car.  So as we cross the intersection, she starts to drift into my lane.  Thinking she may not be aware that I am next to her, I honk.  Nothing.  No reaction, no change in behaviour.  I honk again a few beeps.  Still - no reaction at all.  She just keeps moving forward.  She's now inches from my car and I am in the middle of an intersection (Philadelphia has a pretty strong "Don't Block the Box" culture so now I'm getting anxious as I am, in fact, blocking the box).  I honk one more time and she still is moving forward with no regard for the fact that I am in the space she is trying to occupy.  

So I give up.  I let her through.  My car, my insurance rates are more important to me than "being right".

I wish I could say it ended there.  After a block or 2 of jockeying back and forth, she proceeds to almost hit me a 2nd time and this is when I lose my temper and I give her the finger.

I have never done this before.

Ok, I have given people the finger before.  A few friends might remember a very warm day last July when anytime someone mentioned how hot it was, I flipped them off.  (That was our wedding day, I'm nothing if not a classy bride).  I used to jokingly give my physical therapist the finger when he suggested I do something particularly challenging.  I am no saint.  As I said above, I can be snarky.  But I have never flipped someone off while driving like that.  I totally lost my cool and did something that really bothers me.

Part of me would like to find the woman and apologize.  I was out of line.  Even if she was also out of line.  One does not make the other ok.  Part of me would like to talk to this woman and ask her why she thought being so oblivious to her fellow man was the best course of action for her.  Traffic sucks.  It can be frustrating and annoying but the more we all work together, the easier it is to get through.

The more we all work together, the easier it is to get through. 

While I am pretty disappointed in my own behaviour, I have appreciated the thought process that it has opened up within me.

Do you lose your cool often?  When you do - does it stick with you or do you just blow it off?

Comments

[Linda]

I rarely ever lose my cool. However I guess I'm more like a percolator where I build up steam to the point where I burst into ridiculous behavior. I have never flipped anyone off, however I imagine it to be really fulfilling :)

[Sarah Smith]

I about flipped my lid on Facebook the other day, when in response to a pro-gay marriage blog post, a friend of the guy who posted it went off on how gays are evil. I posted something short and vague in response, not wanting to incite a riot on a friend's wall, and I've been fuming ever since. I.can't.let.it.go. So yah, I lost my cool and it could have been worse, and I can't stop thinking about how I'd like to respond to that woman.

Sigh.

[Asmodeus Azarak]

I had a similar issue where a driver absolutely refused to alternate merge. I always let one person in, but I won't let someone else in just for being obnoxious, but he just about scraped my car trying to force the issue.

Sadly I have a fiery Irish heritage, so losing my cool is not as uncommon for me, but surprisingly I did in this case, but I was quite annoyed.

[Tara]

I would like to lose my cool, I think it would be a healthy release. I am one of those people that internalizes EVERYTHING, I hold onto it, stew over it, and can not manage to shake it off until I have exhausted myself.
So maybe losing my cool every one in a while with a rant, a stomping of my feet, or just telling someone off would be good : )