on 'Eat, Pray, Love' and the existential crisis

People have been debating Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love since it was published.  One merely needs to spend a moment with Google to find fans and detractors of the book.  Let's just be clear, I come down firmly on the side of "I loved the book" and let's just go from there, shall we?

I went to see the film last night with a group of women.  I was so nervous seeing this film - it's always a risk to see a film of a book that holds a great deal of meaning to you but at the same time, I knew I needed to take the chance.  It wasn't just that I wanted to see it; I needed to see it - for many reasons.  First I wanted to see the places that Gilbert visited.  I have only visited one (Rome/Eat) but I long to see the other two - India/Pray and Bali/Love.  Secondly, I wanted to connect with the story in another way.  I have read the book twice - in two very different parts of my life - but what resonated most with me both times was the sheer pain of Gilbert's existential crisis.  It was/is a pain I know very, very well.

The first time I read EPL (let's just go there to make life easier, shall we?) was on a futon bed in Utah after I had literally run away from my life.  I was a year and a half past the end of my marriage and I was realizing that the "relationship" that I was in was little more than a sham.  I had just quit a job at which I had basically failed and I was just done.  Done with everything.  I sobbed during that month in Utah in ways that I hadn't sobbed since the months leading up to the end of my marriage.  Gilbert talks in her book about her marriage and how desperately unhappy she was but she also had no idea how to fix it.  That hit me like three tons of bricks - been there, done that.  But more than that, as Gilbert spoke of wanting more....NEEDING more and having no idea how to get it, no idea how to quiet the mind and just be...well - that put the previous tonnage bricks to shame.

Since I was a little girl - I always wanted more.  I wanted more family.  I wanted more love.  I wanted more adventure.  I wanted more security.  I wanted wanted wanted.  That level of want and that level of void are truly exhausting but the thing is...I thought that everyone felt that way!  To discuss what I describe as the 'existential crisis' - the 'what's it all about, Alfie?" of life to others who haven't had it was an awakening to me. Holy Cannoli!  Other people aren't constantly longing and wanting?  REALLY?  Other people are satisfied with their lives?  SERIOUSLY?  How?  Why?  And more importantly WHERE THE HELL DO I SIGN UP FOR THAT PLAN????!!!!!!!?????

What I have learned though over the last year or so is that you can want more and yet be happy with where you are.  It's accepting that the life you have right now is just that - the life you have - isn't a bad thing.  It doesn't mean you give up on the "more" - to me it has meant recognizing all that you (I) have and using that as the foundation for the next step, the next adventure. 

Meditation helps. 

Deep, truly connecting conversations help.

Realizing though that simply throwing up your hands with a "my life sucks" absolutely doesn't help.  

I used to look at my existential crisis with incredible disdain.  It was ruining my life but I have learned that it has given me a foundation from which to launch the life that I want and so richly deserve.