plant a thought...and watch it grow...

I have been meaning to write for a while and I think about things to write about on my drive to work almost every morning and then the day gets away from me and I don't.  I need to more - I really get a lot out of writing. 

There's much good in my life -- we're fast approaching wedding day.  Everyone keeps asking me if I am ready, stressed...whatever.  I am ready and I'm really not stressed about it all.  I have one big DIY project hanging over my head...I'm making a quilt to use as a chuppah during the ceremony but I have the plan to make that happen so I feel fine about it all.  Invitation should go out tomorrow (provided I remember to grab them in the morning -- I meant to do it today and forgot in the morning stress of getting the cats into the basement for cleaning lady day!).  All is really on schedule.  I am looking forward to the wedding but as much as I am, I am really looking forward to the honeymoon which will be a trip to Ireland. 

I have wonderful friends who go out of their way to love and support me.  It's interesting to me the ways and times that fact presents itself but it does all of the time.  Sometimes you just have to pay attention.

And then there's the conflicting emotions of the real facts of life and all that it entails.  My only uncle was diagnosed with a terminal disease in the last week or so.  He's 1 day younger than my dad...it just seems so ugly and unfair.  But he's handling it with grace that I am pretty sure I'd be unable to muster.  It brings up all of the fears that one has around losing their own parents...I have been to the funerals of a number of my friend's parents...I just don't want to imagine that I'll be at the receiving end of that at any point but I will.  We all will. 

Then there is the stress of family dynamics.  Every family has its drama and everyone's is unique.  It's amazing to me that there are families that seemingly don't have it and yet, I know, comparatively speaking, my family drama is pretty damn tame and yet it is always there - just a subtle hum of undercurrent that clouds the actions of reactions of everyone in a room.  It's as if I could stand on my own should and tell you mere seconds before something happens or is said what is going to happen or be said and yet everyone knows their role and everyone follows the script that was written so very long ago. 

I have also been a lazy git for a while.  Not eating very well, not exercising.  I feel like I need to come up with something to work towards because clearly I am unable to motivate myself.  Which is frustrating as all get out -- to say the least!  I know what I need to do and yet I am not doing it.  Why?  Why can't I figure this out.  Other people do...I have got to focus more.

I am thinking of declaring a TV free week.  I get sucked into crap when I have so many things I should be doing with my evenings.  Perhaps I shall do that this week.  I have enough going on in the evening that most days I'll come home and crash but I need to just kind of unplug for a little bit.  I have coaching work to do for me and I have coaching work to do for the e-course I am taking.  And I need to get to bed earlier.  That helps too.

But I think I shall leave this rambling with the following video that is floating around the internets this week.  As my mom said after watching it "I'll have what she's having"

me too, mom.  Me too!

Comments

[Karin]

I think my favorite line of Jessica's is "I like my Allisons"...