There are times when I miss my first marriage. It's not one of those "I regret ending it" type of missings - not at all. We were not a good couple and we were not happy together. But there are times when I hear music or think of things and I miss that time. One of those came up for me today while listening to The Shins "New Slang". I missed a trip that we took to California in August of 2004. We traveled to San Francisco and then up to wine country for a few days and then down to Monterrey and Big Sur. During that trip we listened almost exclusively to the soundtrack from the film Garden State. It was honestly the last time we were really happy together. We laughed on that trip, we explored, we discovered places new and revisited places old and we were happy. That wasn't to last. My father in law fell ill and eventually died, my ex-husband fell deeper into depression, as did I, and a mere 18 months later, our marriage was over.
I have mentioned I'm doing an eCourse right now that is really pushing my boundaries and pushing me to look at things in a different way. It is all good stuff but some of it is hard and sometimes really tough stuff comes up and it is the sitting with that stuff that can be hard, but worth it. Last night I got to talk to my dear friend and first coach, Colleen, the one who really brought me to this world and opened it up to me. We talked about the challenges of coaching and the challenges of being who you really are and who you want to be. It is such a gift to be able to share those moments without fear of judgment. What I shared with Colleen I am getting ready to begin sharing with the world. Come January, I'm opening up my coaching shop. I'm starting with an eCourse. One in which we'll explore, as a small group, how to rebuild one's life after a divorce. Or any major life change. It doesn't take divorce to have a moment in time that breaks as a before and after moment. Those breaks can be a job change, a death of someone dear to you, a divorce or simply an awakening to wanting and needing something more. For me it came in the form of divorce but the process is the same no matter what. It is understanding who we are and what we value. It is paying tribute and honour to the past. It is being willing to look forward and start to articulate what you want that future to look like and it is putting into place the steps it takes to make that future happen.
I talk to friends who are also divorced and they speak of their marriage with such sadness, such vitriol, such anger. I don't. Are there things that each of us did that were crappy? Of course. But I can also look back on that relationship with such gratefulness, such love. The relationship and my ex-husband taught me so very much about who I am and what I want in life. I have such love and respect for that relationship. It is my hope that more people can feel this way about their past relationships because it's a wonderful place to find yourself.
Amanda - I'm so excited to see what you bring into the world through your coaching and e-course!
Posted by: Jennifer Gleeson Blue | Friday, 30 April 2010 at 10:34 AM