The Aloft Blog

Time time slippin...slippin away

I once spent an entire summer convinced that I was being stalked by the Eagles "Peaceful Easy Feeling" and I was being stalked by Portland, Oregon.  How does a city stalk you?  Well, every time you turn on the weather channel or the travel channel, it's a profile on said place.  That's how you are stalked by a city.

It's been a week since I have been here - so long that Typepad even decided to change some of their UI - that's a sign that I need to show up more often.

I admit though, I was kind of hiding from my blog last week.  Sunday was the Philadelphia Marathon and I knew I wasn't ready and that it would be an ugly endeavor.  So I hid.  Typical me - things are bad, let's put our head in the sand so that we don't notice because if we don't notice, it's not true - right?

Yeah, I know - I didn't think so either.

So I didn't finish the marathon but more because my back went all wonky on Saturday than because I wasn't ready.  I have a bulging disc between L4 and L5 (for any of you doctor/medical types) and it hits my sciatic nerve and it ummm...hurts like a mo'fo.  This was discovered 2 years ago after an unfortunate incident when I did something terribly risky like pick up my best friend's year old son.  And then promptly almost dropped him on the ceramic tile floor.  Thankfully for him and my friendship with his mom, I held tight and didn't break him.  But I did break me.  My dad is, ironically, a doctor who deals with people with injuries like my own...so I called him and he sent me to a friend of his and one MRI and faxed MRI report to my dad later -- I get a call that started like this:

me: hi

dad: I am so sorry

me: what? (scared now because I knew he had the report and I feared I'd have to have a back-ectomy or something)

dad: you are in a lot of pain

me: I know

dad: no one wants to see this kind of report about his kid

fabulous....so some PT later and knowing what works and doesn't work for me -- my back has pretty much been in check.  It hurts in some way almost every day but not in a debilitating way...more in a "hey, I have a back" kind of way.  Until Saturday -- when I turned funny and then held a bag off of one shoulder and bamo -- bad combo.

So to the marathon -- I started and I was walking strong but I was in a lot of pain and I knew I wouldn't finish so I made it through the 5K and walked back to the start to wait for my friend who was running the 1/2 herself.  It was all good though - I knew I wasn't ready.  I knew I was in pain and it was the kick in the butt I needed to get off my butt and take better care of myself.  Thank you universe for the quick 2 by 4 to the head.  I appreciate it and I heard you.

But after a yummy meal with my friends and my boyfriend, my friends took off for home up north (that makes Connecticut sound really far, doesn't it?) and since I wasn't infirm from the 1/2 marathont that I didn't complete -- my boyfriend and I went to West Chester for the day to wander.  It was our 18 month anniversary so we did a little tour of the places of our first dates...which was somewhat depressing given that a number of them are out of business.  Apparently, we curse things.  It couldn't be the faltering economy, now could it?  Nah, definitely us. 

Anywho so we wander around town and we find myself at the church that I have been frequenting and the following conversation happened:

boyfriend: is this where you'd want to get married?

me: yes or I'd like the minister from this church to marry us -- I really like her

boyfriend: then all that is left is for me to ask you to marry me (down on 1 knee with ring in hand and everything!) will you marry me?

me: yes, of course, yes (or something equally as eloquent)

So yeah...I didn't get a 1/2 marathon finishers medal but I got some metal that's the start of something big.

I'm just not feeling it...

I didn't post this weekend because I was pretty busy living life.  Friday night we went to see a fabulous production of "Angels In America" - totally impressed and I'm thrilled we have tickets for part 2 this Friday.  Saturday afternoon I had a party featuring the jewelry of a friend of mine's mom and then Sunday, my boyfriend and I tried to start our Christmas shopping. 

And yet yesterday, I found myself in a funk.  I slept horribly on Sunday and had a lot of bad dreams about this 1/2 marathon on Sunday.  Have I mentioned I am not looking forward to it?  And over the last few days I just felt like I've been beaten by the ugly stick.  So yesterday I took the time to do at least 1 thing that would make me feel better -- I got my nails done.  Then today I made sure to put together an outfit that made me feel good and that has helped as well.  I need to remember that when I am feeling down and out, there are things that I can do to improve my mood quickly - ways that I can comfort myself that are nothing but good for me. 

I also completed one of my goals for the winter on Sunday -- I completed a knitting project that wasn't a scarf.  I knitted a pair of fingerless gloves -- I can't wait to wear them!  They turned out so cute that I want to do another pair but not until I finish the scarf I just started -- but this will be my first lace project so it will be a challenge, a good one. 

I truly do need to work on my goal list and things that I want to get done -- I am just kind of flailing around right now without a lot of purpose and that's not good.

So for tomorrow - we're going to do some list building and some dream dreaming!

Exercise

I'm going to be honest.  I dislike exercise.  I wish I didn't, I truly do.  And those people who say they love it?  I don't get it.  I've never gotten the high that people talk about -- sometimes I feel good about myself when I am on an exercising roll but I have never gotten the rush about which we hear so much. 

I have the 2nd half marathon in just over a week -- it ain't going to be pretty.  I have been a lump and as a result, I just hope to finish.  The good news is that I looked at the finishing times of folks last year and I definitely won't be the last one to finish.  I just hope it's a clear day that day -- cold is fine but no rain, please...no rain.

But one thing is clear -- I have got to find a form of exercise I like.  I used to do a fitness boot camp and I enjoyed it -- I loved the leader and the folks in it but getting myself up and out and to a park 15 minutes away by 5:30 just took its toll.  I'm just not that young anymore.  I used to belong to the Y and I took some spinning classes and I liked that a lot as well.  I also love swimming when I'm in the water -- it's everything around it that's a pain in the neck.  

I am pondering getting myself a nice bike in the spring (I have no idea if and how much any tax return I will get will be but man, I think I could spend it about 10 times over!) I would also like to rejoin the Y because I like classes, I like swimming but I wish I had a partner to do these things with.  I always workout better when I have someone with me.  Finding a fitness partner at my level though is really though.  I tried some running clubs but I am too slow for those folks.  A tri group isn't right for me either - I am not at a really fit level but I'd love someone to keep me company.

What works for you guys in terms of exercise?

working on 1 goal

I need to sit down and formally document my goals for the next few months.  Fitness/eating well are high on the list.  So is getting my house in order.  So is exploring photography more and more and with that I present this photo.  Taken at Linvilla Orchard in Media, I am really proud of it.  I have been wanting to get to Linvilla for weeks to take some pumpkin pictures but the weather just hasn't been cooperating.  AT ALL!  But Sunday the stars, moon and sun aligned to give a most glorious fall day.

I took a photography class last spring and I struggled through it.  Photography used to be a hobby I did with my father so I figured a class would be a great way to remind me about fun things like exposure and depth of field but I ...I dunno, while I got the mechanics of it -- framing shots was a mess.  Truly a mess.  But this shot here reminds me that I do know how to do this - I just have to keep practicing.

back on the program...

The last week has been crazy busy.  I had a house full of guests this weekend -- literally!  There were 7 people in my little townhouse this weekend but it was an absolutely fabulous time as you can see from this silly picture!

However, now that the weekend of indulgence is over...I'm back on z-program!  I just feel icky in my own body.  Mentally?  Things are fabulous.  I have a good job, I have great friends, I have a great relationship, I have a great home...great great great but I just feel icky.  And it isn't even about being overweight (though I am) and it isn't even about feeling unattractive (and I do) - it's about just not feeling GOOD and I want to feel good.  I felt great when I got back from Germany last August -- sadly, since that time I've gained about 20 pounds (no wonder my clothes feel tight -- duh!) so goal 1?  Take off that 20 pounds.  I'd like to do it by the end of January -- that's a very reasonable goal so that is where I shall begin.

I also need to work on the tolerations around my house that have been driving me nutso.  That includes finishing the basement.  It's back to coaching myself time so here are the first 2 projects - healthier body and toleration-less home.

Join me, won't you?

8760 and change

I remember November 4, 2008 as if it were yesterday.  I barely slept the night before - I kept waking from dreams...dreams of victory and dreams of defeat.  I was in line at my polling place before 7 am and the place was just buzzing.  I kept looking at the news on my phone and fidgeting...just ready to get in and DO IT. I got my ballot and walked into the booth and I was shaking.  This was not my first Presidential election - that happened in 1992 and I walked into the booth humming Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop".  Then came 1996 and again, I happily cast my ballot for Bill Clinton.  Then came 2000 and I couldn't believe that we woke up the next morning and didn't know who won.  I couldn't believe that the Supreme Court stopped ballot counting.  I couldn't believe that George W. Bush was President.  (Part of me wishes that I still could get away with not believing it) but let's fast forward to 1 year ago today.

I went to work that day and was all but useless -- I was constantly checking exit polls, looking to see what Nate Silver had to say.  I was obsessed.  I was born loving politics and yes, I love policy.  I love the debates (I have watched C-SPAN for fun) but more than that -- the part I love best?  Electoral politics.  I LOVE THE GAME.  And to me?  November 4th was like the Olympics, Super Bowl, World Series and Wimbledon all rolled up into one.  THIS WAS IT.

I left work and ran home to get stuff together - I was having friends over to celebrate the evening.  I have had election night parties for the last 8 years (for the mid-term and Presidential elections) and this one was going to be the best.  And then 7 pm came and went...and then 8 and the polls on the east coast closed...MA, CT, NH, VT, ME -- all going to Obama - there was no big surprise here.  NY, NJ - called at polls closing for Obama...again, no surprise.  And then came Pennsylvania.  I felt like I could let out a small sigh.  It was happening, it was really happening.  And then MD, DE, VA...and NC.  North Carolina - a majority of North Carolinians voted for an African-American.  I breathed out some more.  Then Florida.  I think I knew in my heart that we had won - that the reign of George Bush was coming to an end.  That I didn't have to fear the words "President Palin" (which to me were truly, truly scary) and then we get to 10:30 -- my rock star friend and my boyfriend were dozing on the couch and I was glued to the TV.  10:30 MSNBC projected that Iowa would go to Obama and I sent my BFF a text message and said "we won".  He immediately cautioned me - we had believed in 2000 only to be disappointed.  Don't count votes until they happen.  The polls hadn't closed yet.  Don't believe until you know.  But I knew.  I know electoral politics.  Once Iowa was called for Obama -- all he needed was California + Washington or California + Oregon to get to the magic number -- the promised land. 

11:00 PM eastern time and Keith Olbermann announced "MSNBC projects that Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States."  I had woken up my party goers (these parties were more rockin when we were younger.)  I opened up a bottle of champagne and we toasted and I cried.  I cried with relief, I cried with pride.  I cried because I felt like our country had overcome a gigantic hurdle.  It had been only 41 years since interracial marriage was legalized for the whole country and here we were - we elected the most unlikely of candidates.  I knew when I saw Obama at the 2004 Democratic Convention that he would one day be President - I just didn't think it would be 4 short years later.

I called my parents the next day and asked them if they ever thought they'd see the day.  "No" they both said.  My dad wrote very simply something that I think really captures what the election of Barack Obama meant...

As of yesterday when any child now comes home and says 'mommy, I want to be the president of the United States' if he be white, brown, black, yellow, or green she can look him or her in the eye and not have to lie. She can now say yes you can, you can do anything, it is up to you.

So let's fast forward some 8760 hours...

Am I still happy I voted for Barack Obama?  ABSOLUTELY

Has every decision he's made satisfied me?  Nope

But that's what politics is about.  At the end of the day, I voted for the man because I trust his judgment.  I trust that he makes well thought out decisions.  I trust that he wants what is best for this country because he wants what's best for his children.  Are there things that I am disappointed about?  yes.  Defending DOMA? Total crap.  Not closing down Gitmo immediately?  Ridiculous.  Starting the health care debate at a public option and not single payer?  DUMB MOVE.  But I still believe.  I still believe with all of my heart that this country will be better off for his service.  Do I wish he was more liberal?  Yes, I do.  I'm a die-hard bleeding heart and oh, how I wish he were truly as liberal as the extreme right wing would have you believe.  But I believe and I am happy and as Bill Clinton said when he accepted the Democratic party nomination in 1992 - "I still believe in a place called Hope."

I still believe in change and I still believe that "Yes we can".

and here I was wondering what to write

I totally admit it -- I look at my sitemeter...I'm nosey like that and I am curious about the folks reading me.  Most of them I can figure out but when I saw a ton of new locations and I noticed a single referring address -- I took at look at my friend Jen's  blog and found a most lovely surprise.  I had been gifted with this!

 

FUN!

So with it comes this little quiz...here we go!

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your hair? brown
3. Your mother? china
4. Your father? good
5. Your favorite food?Chinese
6. Your dream last night? perplexing
7. Your favorite drink? beer
8. Your dream/goal? coaching
9. What room are you in? living room
10. Your hobby? travel
11. Your fear? disappointing
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? motherhood
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something you aren't? mean
15. Muffins? yummy
16. Wish list item? love
17. Where did you grow up? philadelphia
18. Last thing you did? organize
19. What are you wearing? comfy
20. Your TV? on
21. Your pets? wonderful
22. Your friends? blessing
23. Your life? happy
24. Your mood? excited
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? Prius
27. Something you're not wearing? earrings
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? Friday
32. Your best friend? there
33. One place that I go over & over? park
34. One person who emails you regularly? JB
35. Favorite place to eat? Seattle

A very very fine house...

Our house is a very very very fine house...

With two cats in the yard...

Life used to be so hard...

Now everything is easy cuz of you...

                                                  ~Crosby, Stills and Nash

Well, I do have 2 cats and lord knows that 3 or 4 years ago, life was hard but as of last Friday night -- this house was no longer *our* house -- it is now *my* house.  With the exception of a few credit cards and FF miles accounts in my married name, the last vestige of my marriage was shrugged off as I refinanced my house and my ex-husband's name was removed from the deed.

Nothing really changed - ok, well my mortgage went down a couple hundred bucks and I no longer have fears of freak rate adjustments but something significant happened.  I am legally all out there on my own.  When my ex-husband and I had been dating for about 7 months, my roommate moved to Pittsburgh to go to law school and I had to find my own apartment.  He wanted to move in with me and I said no, I wasn't ready.  I had never lived on my own and I needed to do it to know that I could do it.  So if it ever did happen, I'd be ok.  Well, it did happen and it happened 3.5 years ago now and I was ok.  I am ok.  I was thinking the other day that I have been living alone for a while now and the time seems to have flown by.  I have certain rituals (come home and if I'm in for the night, I change into my jammies and make some dinner).  I have ways of doing things - loading the dishwasher, washing dishes, taking care of ironing - a lot of rituals that I am sure are holdovers from when I was married but now they are very much mine.  I don't have to consider anyone else when I make decisions about my home.

This weekend, my boyfriend helped me put together a bed frame for my guest room and  hang a ceiling fan in my bedroom (and we didn't electrocute ourselves...GO US!) but they were totally my decisions.  Then again, we stood in the basement the other night (which I am in the midst of repainting) and talked about how the room would become a rec room/playroom in a few years.  I'm on the verge of living with someone again (no, there is nothing official happening in that arena but I think we both know we're moving in that direction) and as much as I am looking forward to having someone to come home to and having someone to wake up with every day...I am also keenly aware of that which I will give up too.  My freedom and control and I'll give up *my* home -- rather I'll share *my* home but for the few months when this place is only mine - I'm really going to enjoy owning my home all by myself.